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Observations of a Young Nigerian Female . Powered by Blogger.

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I am young, "normal" and I like to write. People say I eat too much, people don't know what they are saying.

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Dear Gentlemen,

On behalf of all the enlightened ladies in the universe, I apologize for our inappropriate Champions League behavior over the years. For every second of the match we made you miss, I apologize. For every time we insisted you pull your eyes away from the TV to help us chose an outfit, I am sorry, we’re not exactly the most selfless category of humans. Here’s a drink for that bicycle kick you missed and had to settle for a replay of because we just had to make you laugh at that instagram post. We shall mend our ways; we’ll give it a shot anyway.

Dear ladies,

Supporting your boo’s football club is not only about wearing a jersey and a bandana; cute, but not enough. I know the game is 90minutes+, but come on! We make them read lines from books they’re not very excited about. We make them stand in the kitchen, frozen; because we want them to stay and keep us company, while touching nothing. We tempt them with delicious aroma, whet their appetites with the “tasting”, force them to remain in the kitchen where the danger is, and still self-righteously slap their hands when they try to get more of what they’ve tasted.

Did you know that your boo would be so much happier if you watched the match with him? Well, that is, if you don’t insist on a cuddle when Brother Boo’s club is playing; or drool over the players who, by the way, all have 6 pack abs and awesome haircuts (I hear they’re requirements). I know, it does get boring, and monotonous. I mean, all those guys do is run around looking good (well, some of them anyway). However, you could still enjoy it, or at least pretend to. All you have to do is yell when there is a goal or an almost goal.

Tip: A goal happens when anyone of the cool player dudes gets the ball in the white netted thing. You can’t miss it, everybody yells.

Here’s a heads up though, if you yell when the goal is not in Brother Boo’s favor, there will be a problem that I cannot be held accountable for. Also, the most important details are; the score, the scorer (s), the manner by which the score was scored, the look on the other coach’s face. Very importantly, do not, DO NOT, DOUGHNUT, NEVER make a comparison of Lionel Messi and CR7 (There was a time when I had no idea what a CR7 was either, thought it was a gun. In this race, Google is your friend.) Wait for Brother Boo to say which of them is the real G.O.A.T. (yeah, I chuckle at that too...G.O.A.T) When you know his favorite, follow faithfully. Picking the wrong side could be a deal breaker, leading to you walking the streets at night singing “Unbreak my heart…”.

Finally, next time Brother Boo is pumped about some league or the other (there’s more than one), get your jersey and bandana ready, cancel other plans, prepare to sit for an hour and half, drink coffee (because yawning is disrespectful to the game), and bring food because I get hungry…I mean, you’ll get hungry.

Thank me later!


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