Last year, I was at a fancy restaurant in Port Harcourt, and
on the second night, I decided to swallow some Eba, for what do you call a
Nigerian with no Eba in their system? Not-a-Nigerian
I got my Eba and Oha soup from the buffet table, and settled
in to “chop life”. I looked around, and there was no sink, no bowl of water. I
signaled a waiter over; he came over, good looking dude.
“I need a bowl of water, so I can wash my hands and eat”
This young man looked me over and probably thought to
himself, “how did scum get in here?” then he said, “We don’t provide water, use
the cutleries.” No please, no sorry, no ma’am. I’m pretty young, but it is
standard practice for waiters and waitresses to “ma’am” guests. I don’t quite
care about it, but this time I noticed the absence. Oh well, who cares? Not me.
The young man was looking particularly cocky and waiting for
me to say, “Oh, sorry sir, I’m not used to civilization or .” I was having none
of that. Eba is not the same without the taste of your own finger, and the
opportunity to lick it thoroughly.
So, I said, “I want a bowl of water to wash my hand. I will
not eat this meal with cutleries.”
I was still calm. The young man insisted, and stood there,
feeling happy with himself. I’d never done this, but I asked for his manager; I
was slowly fuming by then. The manager came over and nearly fell over himself
trying to get me the bowl of water. I thanked him, washed my hands and
proceeded to swallow my Eba and Oha soup with gusto.
Guess what? The restaurant did not turn upside down and
stand on its roof with its butt up in the air. The moon did not turn red, I kid
you not! The white guys beside me did not choke and die. At this juncture, we
shall all sing the Hallelujah chorus to celebrate this great miracle. Proceed!
I have never understood what the fuss is about. Eat with
your hands or forks and knives, why should anybody be inconvenienced because of
someone else’s acute sensibilities? I could link this to colonialism and the
white man’s representation of everything African as backward, uncivilized and
barbaric; but I won’t.
We all eat pizza with our hands, how about some cutleries
for that? When I go to China, I’d be expected to eat my noodles with two skinny
sticks, and then drink the soup straight out of the bowl, without argument.
Why? Oh why do world people think it best for me to eat my Eba with a fork and
a knife in Nigeria?
It used to be because of the fear of being seen by the white
man as inferior and unrefined. Now, it is because of the fear of being seen by
the “refined” African man as too African. It is such a sad state of affairs.
The Eba Pledge
I, *inserts name*, do solemnly promise, that I shall
swallow my Eba with pride, and I shall be grateful for it. That I shall not
desecrate the food of my Fathers with metal devices, but I shall with my hands,
gently conduct Eba to my happy mouth. I promise to enjoy my Eba, at work, play
or home, with no fear or favour whatsoever. I promise that I shall proudly
defend my Eba, at any place, in any gathering, before any audience. So help me
God.
Worthwhile indeed. I enjoyed the read. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteTanks ma'am for really bringing this EBA stuff to my reminding. I promise I will eat my EBA with my fingers.
ReplyDeleteYeah. That's the only way to enjoy Elba.
ReplyDeleteYeah. That's the only way to enjoy Elba.
ReplyDelete