Dear Female,
For years we have deceived ourselves and been deceived into thinking
that Valentine ’s Day is the day the man showers you with love while you seat pretty
and soak up the shower. LIES!
Also, quite a percentage of us believe the greatest gift we
can give on V day is sex. OK.
This is 2019. Evolve. Do something. Do better. Aspire to
inspire.
How about this year, you do something he likes. It’s almost
always dinner in a red dress because it’s what we like. Well, it’s what you like;
I hear you can’t wear a red dress with boots.
If it’s not dinner, it’s a picnic with you in a red t-shit
and skinny jeans or you two at the movies with you in something red, or pink, I
forgot about pink.
So, you just follow along and receive surprises, but ye
surprise not! For shame!
Now, I know at this point, the gift-giving females are
indignant. Calm down.
You have given your legendary white vests that get missing
among the other white vests and you have bought the same perfume he buys
himself. You might also have bought the shirt that has been handed down to his
younger brother or the wrist watch that broke your account.
How about something different this time? I know I only speak
for a handful of women when I say the greatest show of love does not have to
cost money, but it’s true.
Here are about a dozen, last minute Valentine’s Day gift ideas
for a 21st Century Nigerian Man
- · Monogrammed socks! You did not see that coming and he won’t either. That makes me happy. Write something fun, something not normal, something you both can relate to, something that makes him want to wear the socks but makes him feel embarrassed when his guys see it. “May these socks keep your feet warm like you keep my heart warm”, or something. Definitely or something. However, if he does not wear socks anywhere, you’re preparing your show of love for the bottom of the drawer.
- · I know men who love to journal. A sleek navy blue or burgundy or gray journal is a great idea for a man who writes things down a lot. On the other hand, if he is not an expressive person or of he has nothing to write, this is not a good idea.
- · Meat filled plate of something. I do not know any man who does not love meat. If he’s not a fan of meat, can I send you my address? Note: This only works if you can cook. Stay away from the stove on valentine’s day if your cooking abilities are nonexistent.
- · Buy tickets to see a movie he likes. I’m not saying a movie you like and think he will get around to liking. A movie he likes. Not “Crazy Rich Asians” because it is Oh so Romantic and makes you teary. No. Something he’ll actually enjoy and not bear, like Venom. Unless he likes what you like the, good for you. Enjoy your magic sugar castle.
- · Does he love books? Your decision is so easy. Buy him a classic. I don’t mean Shakespeare, may he rest in peace. I mean, something like the divergent series or the Lord of the Rings series. This is only for people who always prefer the book to the movie. Get him the book from which a great movie was made. If he does not like it, send it to my P.O. Box.
- · Get him a framed romantic quote. Not the king you got in secondary school that says “as the skies are blue, so is my love for you. Forever and Always.” Or whatever. Actually, that is pretty nice. However, you can also have it say something fun and witty. “Roses are red, violets are blue, you already know, I’m here for your money”. This will make him smile every time he sees it and if you can give a gift that makes a person smile every day, you have given the perfect gift. On second thought, don’t do that. If his mother visits and sees it, you’re gone.
- · While we are thinking about funny inscriptions you can hang up, how about a new bathroom mirror that says “Anna is in love with the hunk in the mirror”. He’ll be flattered. It will make him laugh and I hear it’s an awesome boyfriend-snatcher repellent. Win-Win!
- Does he own a car? Does he own a door? In fact, even if he only owns a drawer, an ornamental keychain that says “Drive safe, I love you” is a simple heart warming gift that keeps giving. Plus, if he does not have a car now, you know he will have one this year or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the other next; one of the nexts. Ok. Only do this if he owns a car; you don’t want to depress the poor guy on Valentine ’s Day.
- Monogrammed pillow! Monograms are great. Pillows are soft. Need I say more? Hard guy, hard guy, that will be his favourite pillow. I’m not asking you to put his boring initials on it, don’t do that. Say something that makes him go to sleep smiling.
- · Write him a long letter pouring out your heart. If you cannot pour out your heart, stay away from the pen. You know all those sentimental things you feel and you never say because you are stuck in the belief that expressing your love boldly and plainly will jinx things? Say them. Say them all. Just don’t propose to him, unless you want to do that then, go for it I guess. Write it all. Write it on paper. We’re all old fashioned at heart. Everyone likes to hold a paper full of sentimental stuff, I think.
Oh well, that’s about it.
You know by now that this list does absolutely nothing to
help you if you actually need a last-minute gift. First, it’s really late for Valentine’s
Day. Second, I really have no idea what I’m talking about. I’ve done none of
these things and they probably don’t work. But you read it, didn’t you?
Don't worry, I already bought boxers ☺
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI got it all together,I'm getting him a vehicle . It'll be a beautiful drawing of a Benz on an A4 paper.
ReplyDeleteThis is some depth of love, Baby.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteWow! I wish I saw this like yesterday. The monogram thing...you know!
ReplyDelete