I was recently told that Adam knew exactly what he was doing
when he ate the apple. He did it for love. My informant says Adam could not
bear to be away from Eve, so he ate the apple and was punished with her. Adam
considered the consequences of Eve’s action and the after-effects. He knew life outside the garden would not be great, but he could not imagine a life without Eve.
After a long day instructing the animals on who to eat and
who not to eat, where to poop and where not to poop, et cetera, he’d have had
to return to an empty tree, field, cave, or wherever those guys slept. Adam would
have had to forget about a cuddle and in its stead settle for a long-distance phone call to the love of his life.
Adam: Hey Bone! I missed you today. I wish you were here
with me; we could have ridden the elephant together and shared a honeycomb or
two.
Eve: Hey
Adam: Why do you sound so glum, hibiscus?
Eve: I don’t want you to worry about me, it’s nothing
Adam: Come on, flesh, we tell each other everything, I might
worry, but tell me anyway
Eve: well, I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining. It’s
just that life outside the garden is…it’s really hard. It is so frustrating. I
have to work to get anything and there’s no one here to help me. Also, our son, he's growing up without a father. The nights are so cold, Adam, there’s no one to
hold me, I miss having a rib-cage where I know I belong, it’s so sad…(sobs)
I don’t have the inspiration or inclination to finish that
scene.
If you can believe this, as highly implausible as it is, then it appears Adam chose to go with Eve. He chose to leave beautiful, stress-free Eden and instead do real work, pay for
clothes, pay for food, pay for uber, buy diapers, buy baby formula, pay for light, remember dates; just so he could be with the one he loved.
This is not an inspirational post. There is no lesson to
learn, no advice, no morale, no nothing. You cannot glean anything from this
blog post; I will consider you weird if you can.
I understand a lot of things now. I understand Romeo and
Juliet; Leonardo di Caprio and that fine Titanic
girl; Beyonce and JayZ; Bruno Mars and his imaginary, grenade-deserving girlfriend; my parents;
Sanjay and Craig, Spongebob SquarePants and Patrick Starfish.
Love is a strange, enjoyable disease.
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