Becoming The Mother

When you think of motherhood, what is the picture that comes to your head? For me, it’s not the image of me smiling, holding my baby in my lap and playing peekaboo or something. The picture that rushes to my head is that one time when I was sitting in my workstation at home, rocking my baby’s rocker with one foot, and guiding my team through a project via a call, with breast pumps attached to me going bzzz bzzz. On that day, it occurred to me that this is what motherhood is. For you, it may be vacuuming and prepping dinner with an infant strapped to your chest African mother style, singing a lullaby while you pack customers’ orders, or answering your kid’s questions about homework while writing code.

Motherhood is not childbirth, it’s not breastfeeding, and it’s not changing diapers. It is a lifestyle. It’s who you become when one of these small humans comes into your life. It is hard, it is joyful, it is chaos and it is contentment; all at once.

Unfortunately, being a mother comes with a variety of challenges, or ailments as I prefer to address them. There’s a lot of noise inside and outside, and you might start to feel like a crazy person. So, from my experience of a few months, here’s what you should know;

TMI Syndrome

One of the ailments that may befall you on your journey as a mom is Too Much Information. You may think this is something that only happens with new moms, but it is so not.

People are going to have opinions about how you mother your children from when you’re pregnant with them to when they’re married and making their own journeys. While your aunt tells you not to wear tight clothes so you don’t squeeze the baby in your belly, your coworker is scolding you for not trying harder to look like a “sexy preggy”. From one side, you’ll hear that babies need a year of exclusive breastfeeding to turn out good, and from the other side, you’ll be told you’re starving your child by not letting them eat solids. Twenty-something years later, there are still going to be people telling you what to do. “He’s too young to be getting married, why are you letting him?” versus “Your son is not married yet? That’s crazy! What is the problem?”

There are always going to be people who are certain that they know more about how to be a mother to your children than you do. You can’t let other people guide your decisions as a mother. If you were to take every advice you get about motherhood, you would be a frantic, uncertain, panicky mother who cannot enjoy motherhood because she is so busy sifting through other people’s opinions.

Keep this in mind; you love your child, and you want to do what is best for your child. Everyone will have opinions, and they mean well, but no one has better intentions for your child than you do, and so you are in the best place to make decisions on how you are going to mother your child. Ask for advice when you need it, listen to what people have to say, but in the end, let every decision be your decision. Whatever you choose to do, let it be because that is what you want to do.

You can’t stop people from giving advice, (whether you ask for it or not), but you can control what you do with it. Make your own decisions, have your own plans; raise your child the way you want to, don’t let everyone else raise your child for you. Mom your way.

Owning your Journey

Society can push you to obscurity trying to get you to be the perfect mom. But there is no perfect mom. A mom is a mom. There is no motherhood playbook, we all do the best we can for the people we love, and that is all it needs to be.

Unfortunately, the media today is so full of guidelines and models for everything including motherhood that it is easy to get caught up in the struggle to do it the “right way”, ignoring your personal feelings and desires for motherhood. But there is no right way; there is your way, my way, and everyone else’s way; and if you don’t know that, you will lose yourself/

Imagine if everyone tried to handle growing up the same way because some people believe it’s the right way. We might all be in blue suits with law degrees and perms, but we all live our lives individually, making lifestyle choices based on our unique mindsets, so why not motherhood?

To enjoy this new life of yours being a mother, it is imperative that you own your journey, and enjoy it. Be the mother you want to be because that is the mother your children need. Own your motherhood; be how you want to be; scold or don’t, yell or don’t.

The trouble with us humans is that we tend to adopt whatever notion is popular at a time and turn it into a rule of life, and that’s not right. One thing may work for one family and not work for the next, but as long as you are doing what you believe is best for your children, don’t let public opinion tell you what to do. Don’t let trends do your parenting; just do your best, your own best.

Don’t Do It Alone

This may seem weird because I already asked you not to let other people raise your child, but you need people. Don’t scroll to the next article yet, just keep reading.

You need people; we all need people. Man thrives in relationships and with all the work moms have to do, you need a bigger dose of that thriving elixir…people.

People have made mistakes so you no longer have to. People are sharing their stories so you know you’re not alone. You need people.

Being a part of a community does so much for you; it shows you that what you are doing can be done successfully, it helps you figure out best practices and most importantly, it helps you to know that you’re not alone; that when you’re sitting up at 1 am breastfeeding an infant who doesn’t acknowledge the fact that you worked all day, there’s someone else somewhere sitting up and yawning too.

Knowing that you are not alone helps you to gain perspective, and gives you that extra zest we all need when we’re going about doing what moms do. It helps you believe that you can do it, because you’ve seen others do it, and a community is a perfect place to vent because you know they understand.

Most importantly…

As you go about being awesome at motherhood, know the kind of mom you want to be, do motherhood just how you want to, and look out for mom communities where you fit in. Because in the end, moms are individuals; each one is perfect in their own ways, needing each other but also being who they are.

You may not know everything, but you know your life, and you know your child more than anyone else can. You know what time is best for you to give baby a bath, and when it’s best for you to sleep. These are things you have to figure out for yourself, no one can tell you, not that they won’t try.

Of course, you have to learn. When it comes to motherhood, just like in life, you learn every day; from people, from books, from experiences, and of course from YouTube. The most important thing is that you don’t forget to think for yourself.

Do you have any experience with one of the challenges above? (It doesn't have to be about motherhood) How did you deal with it? Share in the comment section. And if this article was helpful to you, or just a fun read, don’t forget to share it with others.