Self-Love and All That Good Stuff Also, Self-Love for The Average Nigerian Because I Couldn’t Decide On a Title
This year,
I’ve been thinking a lot about showing myself some love for real. I’m always
writing content for clients on self-love; articles, social media content and
even books. It’s gotten to the point where it feels like the words I write are
mocking me.
Self-love is
really just showing yourself love, there’s no deep definition for it. You know
how you treat people you love? Practising self-love is doing the same for
yourself. No, it’s not a spa day, yoga or your skincare routine; all good
things, but not self-love. You see, self-love is not a thing you do, it’s how
you treat yourself, at all times.
Now, this next
paragraph cannot be understood by single people, so maybe go ahead and skip
this one, Mena.
You know
how you love your significant other so much you’d do anything for them? Letting
them sleep in, clearing out your bank account for the birthday gift you know
they’d absolutely love, cooking their favourite meals, forcing them to get
medical care when they’re sick, inviting over all the people they love so they
can have a good time, all that good stuff. It’s how you should feel about
yourself, it’s how you should treat yourself.
Unfortunately,
when you’re Nigerian, self-love is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do,
harder than SS2 further maths. It feels like you’re going against yourself when
you try to practice self-love. My Jumia wishlist
is full of things I love but may never get, but my cart always has something
for someone else. Does that sound like you? Do you feel selfish when you do
stuff for yourself? Do you always cheap out when you’re getting things for
yourself but spare no expense when it’s for someone else? Yep, we’ve all got
that problem.
Well, this
year, I’ve decided to treat myself better, as well as I treat others; to take
my own advice and take a break, buy myself something I like once in a while,
get help when I need it, and basically just treat myself like I would any human
being I have positive feelings for. Gentlemen and ladies, it is HARD. The most
I’ve done is sort of stay away from work on my birthday because I really needed
a break. Now, I say sort of because I stayed away from my laptop, but I did
everything I could do on my phone and iPad.
We’re not
wired to be nice to ourselves; we’re either hustling for the family or for the
good of our country, or whatever else comes up. That’s how we wind up with all
the mental health issues we have, and we Nigerians have a lot of them. That’s
how we end up overwhelmed and burnt out so early in life.
People are
different and need to be loved different, so I can’t tell you what to do in
practising self-love. Here’s what I can tell
you. Take advice from 1 Corinthians chapter 13 verse 4;
Self-love
is being patient with yourself, understanding your abilities, your limitations,
your strengths and trusting yourself to get there in your own time rather than
putting pressure on yourself. You’re not king of the world yet? Well, darling,
it takes a little more than a year to take over the world.
Self-love
is being kind to yourself. Ada, eat please. There’s no camera crew following
you around to see if you’re suffering, and really, suffering does not bring
success, hard work does, and even that doesn’t work all the time. Be kind to
yourself, take care of your body, pay attention to the state of your soul, and
protect your mind no matter who you need to block to do that.
Self-love
does not envy; so what is with all the comparison? You are you, and that’s not
enough. You work hard and it’s ok for other people to be ahead of you. Did she
lose weight faster? Good for her. You graduated together and she’s in a Benz?
Alright. Life is a sort of race; if you keep looking at the others in the race,
you’re going to lose focus and fall behind, or worse still, trip and fall.
Focus on the road ahead of you and keep moving. When you pay attention to other
people’s lives, you don’t pay enough attention to your own life and that’s
doing yourself a disservice.
Science and
general gist say that when you show love to things or people, they thrive. You
deserve to thrive and I know you want to, so be good to yourself, and please
note that thriving isn’t equal to money in the bank account. You’re not
thriving if you’re filthy rich and sick or depressed, which is also sick, but
this is not the day for that conversation.
I don’t know how this became a long article, but be good to yourself; you deserve love and no one can love you better than you love yourself.
I’m going to buy myself one of the items on my Jumia wishlist today.
Psych! Yeah, I’m not going to do that, but I am going to buy my niece the really pretty shoes I saved a while ago because I know she’ll love them. They light up! Self-love is a journey and I just got started.
Nice article. I think I will buy something for myself tomorrow 😌🙂
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteGreat content. Thank you for reminding me that love starts with loving me regardless.
ReplyDeleteI started reading with the expectation to have a short read but No😀. Anyways, it was worth the read.
ReplyDeleteThis has eaten deep into me.🤦
I'd have to join you on the Journey of self love. Thank you for sharing, ma'am.
Great article 👏👏👏
ReplyDeleteSo true.. we all have this problem with self-love. I'll start doing better for myself.
ReplyDeleteWhen you said you it was going to be a short article, I was like o...k lemme see the length and I kept scrolling,lolz. It was a great read actually made me understand I shouldn't be stingy on myself. Its sha believed people who are into my profession is. Self love is the goal💖. Thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteI think I truly need to take a break and get something for myself.
ReplyDeleteIt all starts with you.
I think the peak milk advert was talking about self love, when it stated "It's in you".
It should be the other way round which is "It starts with you".
Charity should really begin at home.😂
I see why my Mom calls me an Aradite whatever that means, only she can explain.
Okay let me go get something tomorrow for myself.
Very True. I'm taking myself out this Valentine. Thanks for this gentle reminder.
ReplyDeleteFunny SS2 furthermaths, is it that hard, the comparison though, anyways nice piece
ReplyDeleteThanks for the shade. You are a bad person but an awfully great writer. Will take your son out on a date and buy nice things for him and I. Thanks
ReplyDeleteThanks for this🙏, this just expanded my mind about self love really!… I am going to rest more and buy more things for myself amongst other things 🤗
ReplyDeleteYou psyched us!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the article. I think I've not been nice to myself, based on the fact that they say I'm not doing enough even though I still have others who say I am doing well. But at the end of the day, I go with the latter. I do not know why but I think I now understand the true essence of self-love and all it brings.
ReplyDelete